Friday, May 30, 2008
Sunday, May 25, 2008
seen on the streets
East Village, late April, 2008.
A large family gathers outside a funeral home. Mostly elderly and middle aged women, with a fair number of children. One child, wearing a t-shirt with a laser-printed image of his grandfather's face, hugs his mother, somberly.
Right next to the funeral home is a bar. On the sidewalk, bachelorettes and sorority alumni take randy pictures of each other in their slim black skirts. One girl wears a crown and carries a big novelty penis balloon, with little white cum balloons coming out of the top.
A large family gathers outside a funeral home. Mostly elderly and middle aged women, with a fair number of children. One child, wearing a t-shirt with a laser-printed image of his grandfather's face, hugs his mother, somberly.
Right next to the funeral home is a bar. On the sidewalk, bachelorettes and sorority alumni take randy pictures of each other in their slim black skirts. One girl wears a crown and carries a big novelty penis balloon, with little white cum balloons coming out of the top.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
You Heard it Here First!
William Temlett was one of England's earliest banjo makers.
You Heard it Here First!
You Heard it Here First!
These People Exist
There's a great video here that examines the reasons for Obama's losses in the Appalachian parts of America. The conclusion: Appalachian people are hilarious caricatures of themselves, and also cripplingly racist. It's a good report, but a few things really stood out:
-Multiple interviews with coal miners
-A man auctioning a plastic chicken and individual cans of beans, as his job
-Frequent toothlessness
-A "retired coal miner and voter" named Oakley Delong who:
-Multiple interviews with coal miners
-A man auctioning a plastic chicken and individual cans of beans, as his job
-Frequent toothlessness
-A "retired coal miner and voter" named Oakley Delong who:
- Has a flagpole outside his trailer which bears a large confederate flag, in the middle of which is a cartoon bulldog wearing a confederate soldier hat
- Has two empty 24-pack beer cartons right next to his chair, indicating that he puts his beer there for easy access before not throwing the boxes away (alternatively: he throws the boxes away daily, and they caught him after 3 pm)
- Is wearing a hat that appears to say "SkyCare" underneath a picture of a fish
- Claims that "the front people" kept black people at the back of the bus so long that now "we have to be careful they don't put us at the back of the bus.
- Basically lives in a bus
Obama is not an Asshole
Here's something I like about Obama:
I haven't seen a lot about this in the media, but I think an interesting pattern has been emerging wherein he gets hit with dirty politics and actually tries to take the high road instead of fighting fire with fire, which is a good way to continue burning things down.
For instance, people were upset that Obama chose a known black as his fake pastor, and they said dumb things about it. Obama responded with the best speech in America by any politician since Roosevelt, and it was nuanced and intelligent and didn't disown his friend. He eventually had to do that, but only after Wright turned out to be an actual crazy asshole.
And the gas tax thing. McCain comes up with a stupid plan that will sound good to stupid people. Clinton takes a look at her constituency and decides to back it as well. Obama says, "Well that sounds like a dumb idea," and explains why it is a dumb idea.
And more recently people have criticized him for being willing to talk to leaders of countries that Serious Politicians want to bomb. Instead of doing the easy thing and adopting a Republican foreign policy instead, he has basically continued to hold a sophisticated foreign policy not based on furious erratic bombings.
Sometimes his integrity has paid off (gas tax) and some times not so much (Wright), but I think it's cool that he maintains his positions and defends them even when it requires a patient, possibly complicated explanation. It's nice to be treated like a thinking adult even though I am still an American voter.
I haven't seen a lot about this in the media, but I think an interesting pattern has been emerging wherein he gets hit with dirty politics and actually tries to take the high road instead of fighting fire with fire, which is a good way to continue burning things down.
For instance, people were upset that Obama chose a known black as his fake pastor, and they said dumb things about it. Obama responded with the best speech in America by any politician since Roosevelt, and it was nuanced and intelligent and didn't disown his friend. He eventually had to do that, but only after Wright turned out to be an actual crazy asshole.
And the gas tax thing. McCain comes up with a stupid plan that will sound good to stupid people. Clinton takes a look at her constituency and decides to back it as well. Obama says, "Well that sounds like a dumb idea," and explains why it is a dumb idea.
And more recently people have criticized him for being willing to talk to leaders of countries that Serious Politicians want to bomb. Instead of doing the easy thing and adopting a Republican foreign policy instead, he has basically continued to hold a sophisticated foreign policy not based on furious erratic bombings.
Sometimes his integrity has paid off (gas tax) and some times not so much (Wright), but I think it's cool that he maintains his positions and defends them even when it requires a patient, possibly complicated explanation. It's nice to be treated like a thinking adult even though I am still an American voter.
Monday, May 19, 2008
target practice
Apparently the commander of U.S. forces in Baghdad had to apologize profusely when a soldier was discovered to have used a copy of the Koran for target practice.
He humbly begged for forgiveness and assured the Iraqis that his men would immediately return to the old strategy of shooting local citizens instead.
He humbly begged for forgiveness and assured the Iraqis that his men would immediately return to the old strategy of shooting local citizens instead.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Obama/MacCain '08!
Now that the media has teamed up with Basic Math and Common Knowledge to defeat Hillary Clinton, people are starting to talk about Obama's running mate. Fortunately we at KoolKatSez have found the perfect answer.
The worst choice is obviously Clinton, the "Dream Ticket" of people who have horribly chosen, asinine dreams.
Others say Bill Richardson, who would inspire Mexicans to stop taking American jobs picking various things long enough to vote for him just because he's Mexican.
But many say Obama needs a white to run with him so that old ignorant white people will accidentally vote for him. John Edwards is a bona fide white, but his old ticket couldn't even beat the worst President in history. That seems to leave only anonymous boring senators from the South.
But what if someone real thought of this:
Pick a guy who kind of looks like McCain. It would help if he was named something like "John MacCain". He could even have a quiet way of speaking, with a weird little lisp and clenched teeth. Maybe he could occasionally call John McCain's wife a cunt.
Consider the two defining characteristics of people who prefer Clinton/McCain to Obama:
1. old
2. stupid
Everyone knows this, because for some reason, the media has been reporting it as though it was a negative for Obama. "You can't win without dumbasses and the ghastly shades of the Greatest Generation" they say. "Can Obama win even though he was educated?" they ask, "even though he may not die of old age while in office?" Can medicated coots ever relate to someone who walks around with no assistance from machines? Can people who cling to shooting gays at abortion clinics ever choose someone who bowls very poorly?
Yes. By choosing a person who is very similar to McCain, we will exploit the shared weakness of the elderly and the dumb: They are very easily confused. We could enhance the effect with clever campaign ads. For example, one ad could show pictures of individual candidates, and ask, "McCain/Romney? Or Obama/MacCain? McCain/Obama? Obama/Romney? MACCAIN/MCCAIN? MCAIN/MACCAIN? MCCAIN! MACCAIN! MACCAIN! MCCAIN! (sponsored by MacCain/Obama)".
And imagine McCain trying to patiently explain this to his constituency, the subtle differences between McCain and MacCain, who, why not, could even show up at McCain events and try to ask questions ("Senator McCain, America wants to know, what is McCain doing in the audience of a MacCain rally?") McCain would eventually just start punching anyone who asked him about the other John, or calling them cunts.
And what is the media going to do? Claim that voters should try to find things out? Read things? Everyone knows old people can't afford glasses and dumb people are functionally illiterate.
Obama/MacCain '08
The worst choice is obviously Clinton, the "Dream Ticket" of people who have horribly chosen, asinine dreams.
Others say Bill Richardson, who would inspire Mexicans to stop taking American jobs picking various things long enough to vote for him just because he's Mexican.
But many say Obama needs a white to run with him so that old ignorant white people will accidentally vote for him. John Edwards is a bona fide white, but his old ticket couldn't even beat the worst President in history. That seems to leave only anonymous boring senators from the South.
But what if someone real thought of this:
Pick a guy who kind of looks like McCain. It would help if he was named something like "John MacCain". He could even have a quiet way of speaking, with a weird little lisp and clenched teeth. Maybe he could occasionally call John McCain's wife a cunt.
Consider the two defining characteristics of people who prefer Clinton/McCain to Obama:
1. old
2. stupid
Everyone knows this, because for some reason, the media has been reporting it as though it was a negative for Obama. "You can't win without dumbasses and the ghastly shades of the Greatest Generation" they say. "Can Obama win even though he was educated?" they ask, "even though he may not die of old age while in office?" Can medicated coots ever relate to someone who walks around with no assistance from machines? Can people who cling to shooting gays at abortion clinics ever choose someone who bowls very poorly?
Yes. By choosing a person who is very similar to McCain, we will exploit the shared weakness of the elderly and the dumb: They are very easily confused. We could enhance the effect with clever campaign ads. For example, one ad could show pictures of individual candidates, and ask, "McCain/Romney? Or Obama/MacCain? McCain/Obama? Obama/Romney? MACCAIN/MCCAIN? MCAIN/MACCAIN? MCCAIN! MACCAIN! MACCAIN! MCCAIN! (sponsored by MacCain/Obama)".
And imagine McCain trying to patiently explain this to his constituency, the subtle differences between McCain and MacCain, who, why not, could even show up at McCain events and try to ask questions ("Senator McCain, America wants to know, what is McCain doing in the audience of a MacCain rally?") McCain would eventually just start punching anyone who asked him about the other John, or calling them cunts.
And what is the media going to do? Claim that voters should try to find things out? Read things? Everyone knows old people can't afford glasses and dumb people are functionally illiterate.
Obama/MacCain '08
Things that shouldn’t surprise you:
Obama’s pastor says incendiary things.
Remember Falwell, pre-ascension into heaven? Remember Robertson? Hell, if it bothers you that this guy has access to politicians, remember Billy Graham? He’s been an anti-Semite, anti-gay advisor for every president since Truman. At least Obama disowned his, as opposed to bequeathing him to future politicians. It’s in the nature of being a religious demagogue to be insane, and every politician has to act like they are spiritual (read: Christian) if they’re going to get any attention. Obama was unlucky in the crapshoot for a pastor who says absurdly offensive things because he picked a black one, and some forms of racism are simply intolerable.
Anything about the Pennsylvania primary.
Stop acting like it’s a victory to plummet from 25% to <10% in a state that’s overwhelmed with your best demographic (old, uneducated white people). Also, the whole idea about how Obama outspent her in the Penn primary is irrelevant. I would think that she would be more careful to avoid having to explain why he raises money so much more effectively than her.
The economy has gone to hell.
Bush is still in office, and his solution to egregious problems he has caused remains the same: wait til he’s not President any more.
Obama is elite.
Remember when that used to be a good thing? I don’t. I was too young when Bush took office. I thought that being intelligent and capable was making a comeback, at least with democrats, until now, since Hillary condemned career Economists for knowing when an idea was definitively doomed to utter failure.
And now, in a special, preemptive edition of things that shouldn’t surprise you:
Hillary Clinton has denied ever supporting the gas tax.
I know, it hasn’t happened yet, but just you wait. The same thing happened with NAFTA before the Ohio primary, her support for the war, NCLB, and whatever that situation in Bosnia was where she won a purple heart.
Obama’s pastor says incendiary things.
Remember Falwell, pre-ascension into heaven? Remember Robertson? Hell, if it bothers you that this guy has access to politicians, remember Billy Graham? He’s been an anti-Semite, anti-gay advisor for every president since Truman. At least Obama disowned his, as opposed to bequeathing him to future politicians. It’s in the nature of being a religious demagogue to be insane, and every politician has to act like they are spiritual (read: Christian) if they’re going to get any attention. Obama was unlucky in the crapshoot for a pastor who says absurdly offensive things because he picked a black one, and some forms of racism are simply intolerable.
Anything about the Pennsylvania primary.
Stop acting like it’s a victory to plummet from 25% to <10% in a state that’s overwhelmed with your best demographic (old, uneducated white people). Also, the whole idea about how Obama outspent her in the Penn primary is irrelevant. I would think that she would be more careful to avoid having to explain why he raises money so much more effectively than her.
The economy has gone to hell.
Bush is still in office, and his solution to egregious problems he has caused remains the same: wait til he’s not President any more.
Obama is elite.
Remember when that used to be a good thing? I don’t. I was too young when Bush took office. I thought that being intelligent and capable was making a comeback, at least with democrats, until now, since Hillary condemned career Economists for knowing when an idea was definitively doomed to utter failure.
And now, in a special, preemptive edition of things that shouldn’t surprise you:
Hillary Clinton has denied ever supporting the gas tax.
I know, it hasn’t happened yet, but just you wait. The same thing happened with NAFTA before the Ohio primary, her support for the war, NCLB, and whatever that situation in Bosnia was where she won a purple heart.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
The Wednesday Image
Introducing the Wednesday Image. Each Wednesday, a new cartoon/drawing/something from the fellows at Kool Kat Sez.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
NO We Can! NO We Can!
When I was growing up, first paying attention to the nba, there was one narrative that really defined the playoffs. Spurs vs. Lakers. Good vs. Evil.
I hated the Lakers, those smug, 3-peating assholes, and I loved the Spurs, because- even if they were boring or whatever- they were always our best chance to stop L.A.
When the Spurs beat the Lakers in 2003, the first playoffs I followed passionately, it was one of the first big sports thrills of my life. The Spurs earned my love and loyalty for years afterward.
Years later, we're facing the possibility of another Spurs-Lakers conference finals. But it's not so black and white anymore. the Lakers still suck, but, in the past year, I've come to realize that the dreary, heartlessly efficient Spurs kinda suck too. And if it comes down to those two teams, it feels like just a lesser-of-two-evils choice in my heart.
so it is with the Republicans and the Clintons.
But there's another team offering a fresh taste of Hope for all of us... the New Orleans Hornets.
A young team with extraordinary talent, with the athletic and creative intangibles necessary to bamboozle the old-school Spurs. A compelling, truly cheer-worthy alternative to Lakers-Spurs hegemony.
As of this writing, the Hornets have taken a shockingly easy 2-0 lead on the Spurs. We're approaching Super Tuesday, maybe around the corner from the February stampede- I won't feel safe until it's a 3-0 lead, but I'm feeling cautiously optimistic.
NO We Can! NO We Can!
(PS- north carolina and indiana tonight. when are we gonna close this shit out? hillary's down 3-1 and losing game 5 by double digits in the fourth quarter. keep hitting those free throws barack!)
I hated the Lakers, those smug, 3-peating assholes, and I loved the Spurs, because- even if they were boring or whatever- they were always our best chance to stop L.A.
When the Spurs beat the Lakers in 2003, the first playoffs I followed passionately, it was one of the first big sports thrills of my life. The Spurs earned my love and loyalty for years afterward.
Years later, we're facing the possibility of another Spurs-Lakers conference finals. But it's not so black and white anymore. the Lakers still suck, but, in the past year, I've come to realize that the dreary, heartlessly efficient Spurs kinda suck too. And if it comes down to those two teams, it feels like just a lesser-of-two-evils choice in my heart.
so it is with the Republicans and the Clintons.
But there's another team offering a fresh taste of Hope for all of us... the New Orleans Hornets.
A young team with extraordinary talent, with the athletic and creative intangibles necessary to bamboozle the old-school Spurs. A compelling, truly cheer-worthy alternative to Lakers-Spurs hegemony.
As of this writing, the Hornets have taken a shockingly easy 2-0 lead on the Spurs. We're approaching Super Tuesday, maybe around the corner from the February stampede- I won't feel safe until it's a 3-0 lead, but I'm feeling cautiously optimistic.
NO We Can! NO We Can!
(PS- north carolina and indiana tonight. when are we gonna close this shit out? hillary's down 3-1 and losing game 5 by double digits in the fourth quarter. keep hitting those free throws barack!)
Monday, May 5, 2008
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Things That Would Work Better Than the Gas Tax Holiday
McCain could personally offer to punch every American in the stomach.
Clinton could threaten to have high gas prices personally killed.
- Pros: Would save as much on gas as gas tax holiday; would not fund Middle Eastern terror barons (like a robber baron, but less likely to cause the black lung)
- Cons: Even at a rate of one American-punch per second, McCain would be dead long before he could finish.
Clinton could threaten to have high gas prices personally killed.
- Pros: Would save as much on gas as gas tax holiday
- Cons: Would help her with crucial Bitter Dumbass demographic
- Pros: Would save as much on gas as gas tax holiday; would allow McCain to "get it out of his system"; denying the Billion Year Local Gas Stations War option shows moral irresponsibility and reminds me of Neville Chamberlain and emboldens gas station guys
- Cons: Army would have no way to get tanks back out of suburbs when they ran out of gas
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