Breaking News: McCain VP Pick!

Here are two interested things that are unconnected. Or ARE they?

First, Gail Collins had this great line about McCain choosing Lieberman as his running mate:

“When you have a 71-year-old presidential candidate, it’s particularly important
that voters be confident that he’s backed up by an experienced and qualified
vice president prepared to step in and do the exact opposite about everything
except Iraq.”

Second, Rudy Giuliani has been back in the news lately for a dumb interview he gave in which he said, "I know from talking to John McCain about this… [that] our main criteria would be a person that would allow us to sleep at night knowing he could immediately be president." Obviously Rudy is incorrect (the main criteria is: Is this person wealthy or from Minnesota?), but there’s something else going on here: he’s making a play for the VP spot. And that would be awesome.

Think about it. McCain is clearly trying to lose this election. He is a man of honor and a patriot, and that means he would never surrender America to the likes of himself. He’s been doing everything he can to make this a one man race. He even managed to get himself branded as a negative campaigner despite his most damning insult being that Obama is quite popular.

So far we’ve all assumed that his next step was choosing Mitt Romney, the widely-reviled opportunist asshole from the gayest state in America. What better way to throw the election once and for all? Unfortunately, McCain has recently been closing in the polls as the media bumblefucks around ignoring obvious stories like him not knowing how many houses he has, wearing $500 Italian loafers, and stating that you’re not rich unless you make $5 million a year, to say nothing of his gross incompetence on the Georgia issue.

So McCain knows that he needs a nuclear option. Sure, most people hate Romney, but some just kind of don’t like him. That’s where Giuliani comes in. A cross-dressing pro-choice adulterer whose main experience consists of putting New York’s emergency response center inside the World Trade Center, he looks and talks like an evil ferret. And not only is he personally loathsome, Giuliani also highlights McCain’s greatest weakness: foreign policy. He combines aggressive ignorance of basic diplomacy with hysterical Chicken Littleism in ways that surely leave McCain awestruck. He’s the nuclear option in part because we can be reasonably sure he will nuke someone.
The McCain VP choice is much more important than Obama’s, because Americans know that they are really voting for the man who will be President when McCain dies in his third month in office. We have a right to know that that man will be Rudolph Giuliani. Only then can we be absolutely sure that our President will never be as insane as either of them.