six degrees of shut up, clinton

Howard Wolfson, Clinton's communications director from back when she mattered, claims that if they had known that J0hn Edwards had cheated on his terminally cancerous wife sooner, they might have had a better shot at the nomination. The Clinton aides had actually gotten together sooner to decide how to make this situation seem unfair to Hillary as opposed to, say, everyone who's actually involved in it. Terry McAuliffe insisted that they travel back in time and release the information before the Iowa caucus, and then looked around wandering why everyone had stopped listening to him.

In other news, Bush is condemning the Russian army for invading Georgia because he doesn't yet know that it's not, like, our Georgia, with the peaches an stuff. He would have spoken out sooner, but there are a lot of black people in Georgia. HA HA! That was an out-dated Kanye West reference. No word yet on how the invasion fucked Clinton out of the democratic nomination.

Obama is still pissed off about the ad that compares him to a white, non-political, licentious, moronic, female celebretard who was expelled from high school and whose father wrote a large check to McCain. Rick Davis brilliantly defended the ad by noting that all of the human beings mentioned in it could technically be considered celebrities, and therefore am I right or am I right? This seems ridiculous to thinking people, but what they don't realize is that McCain actually does think that everyone on TV is the same person, since how else could they all fit in that box with the buttons on it? Still waiting on McCain to apologize to Senator Clinton for the tasteless ad.