Even if you're one of those people who thinks that doing something that is demonstrably ineffective will one day be effective, McCain is probably starting to sound a little irrational during the periods of his monotonous dronings when he says "economy" alot.
I can't help but directly quote a CNN article here, because there's just some things that are too aggravating to parody.
Sen. John McCain on Tuesday brushed off skepticism from economists and insisted he could balance the budget by 2013 by keeping taxes low and curbing spending.
"We're going to restrain spending, we're going to have the economy grow again and increase revenues. The problem is that spending got completely out of control," McCain said on CNN's "American Morning."
He should be careful here. A lot of liberals agree that spending is out of control, and that will piss off a lot of blue collar whites. For example: $535,000,000,000 (or $340,000,000 per day) is a lot of money to be spending for no reason.
McCain is in favor of extending the Bush tax cuts, which are set to expire in 2010.
The Center on Budget and Policy Priorities has projected that by extending the cuts, which McCain originally opposed, and including the additional cuts McCain has proposed, the deficit for 2013 would be somewhere around $439 billion to $445 billion.
$440 billion . . . and that's just from extending tax cuts. If he extends the war til 2013 at current spending rates, that will have cost well over $1 trillion, which is, like, a few thousand car batteries. And if he extends it another hundred years, as he suggested, federal money not collected from the tax cuts will have to somehow foot at $10.7 trillion bill.
McCain disputes those figures because "they're static numbers -- not saying that revenues will increase with a strong economy and with low taxes. That's the difference, and I respectfully disagree."
Okay, McCain disagrees with economists. That's happened before with the gas tax, when he stood strong and defied everyone with an education on the matter. But wait . . .
"There's a whole lot of economists, including Nobel laureates, that agree with my plan," McCain said.
Talk about flip-flopping! Do we trust these communist (probably) intellectual assholes or don't we?
Another thing I've noticed about McCain "respectfully disagreeing" with people is that he typically decides to do that after they've refuted every one of his arguments. At least that's how it happened when Ellen Degeneres used her lesbo mind tricks to back him into a corner about civil rights on her show.
The article goes on to outline the fact that he plans on balancing the budget by doing things that would in no way accomplish that task, but I can't go on any longer or I'll start crying.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Dying in Threes
With what may have been the single act of kindness in a life of spewing disease-ridden piss from his every pore, former Senator Jesse Helms graciously confirmed that celebrities always die in threes when he keeled over on July 3. We had predicted Clarence Thomas, but Helms is good enough, and not that different if you consider their civil rights work. Helms, a strong contender for Worst Living American, has received touching eulogies from Hendrik Hertzberg and Ken Layne of Wonkette. Now he has to compete for Worst American of All Time, where he is just another anonymous terrible person, somewhere between your average KKK Grand Wizard and John Wilkes Booth.
All in all, this was a pretty boring Celebrity Death Threesome, consisting only of soon-to-be-forgotten telejournalist Tim Russert, mediocre comedian George Carlin, and Helms. So I got to thinking, what is the best Celebrity Death Threesome of all time?
Two strong contenders deserve special mention, but are disqualified for involving too many celebrities:
Between Spetmeber 3 and October 4 of 1970, we lost Vince Lombardi, Jimi Hendrix, Eric Marie Remarque, John Dos Passos, and Janis Joplin.
Three years later, also in September, there went John Ford, J.R.R. Tolkien, Gram Parsons, Pablo Neruda, and W.H. Auden.
So those were bad months for humanity. Anyway, here are five strong contenders for Best Celebrity Death Threesome:
1826: Carl Maria von Weber (composer), John Adams, Thomas Jefferson
1827: Alessandro Volta (guy "volts" are named after), Beethoven, William Blake
1955: Charlie Parker, Albert Einstein, Alexander Fleming (guy who discovered penicillin)
1961: Carl Jung, Ernest Hemingway, Ty Cobb
April 1994: Kurt Cobain, Ralph Ellison, Richard Nixon
Those are all pretty strong, and it's tempting to give it to the Parker/Einstein/Fleming trio, but consider this:
In 1963, Aldous Huxley, C.S. Lewis, and John F. Kennedy all died on the same day.
That's definitely worth bonus points. Also, on February 3, 1959, Buddy Holly, Richie Valens and the Big Bopper all died at the exact same instant, but they lose points because who the hell is the Big Bopper?
Even with that tremendous 1963 effort, however, mankind still has not managed to match that April 23 in 1616, when Shakespeare, Cervantes, and renowned Inca historian (the best Inca historian? We say yes) Garcilaso de la Vega all collapsed and died.
Do we even have celebrities good enough to equal that today? Probably not. Maybe if Gabriel García Márquez, Bob Dylan, and Barack Obama all died in the same minute. Anyway, 1616 takes the gold.
All in all, this was a pretty boring Celebrity Death Threesome, consisting only of soon-to-be-forgotten telejournalist Tim Russert, mediocre comedian George Carlin, and Helms. So I got to thinking, what is the best Celebrity Death Threesome of all time?
Two strong contenders deserve special mention, but are disqualified for involving too many celebrities:
Between Spetmeber 3 and October 4 of 1970, we lost Vince Lombardi, Jimi Hendrix, Eric Marie Remarque, John Dos Passos, and Janis Joplin.
Three years later, also in September, there went John Ford, J.R.R. Tolkien, Gram Parsons, Pablo Neruda, and W.H. Auden.
So those were bad months for humanity. Anyway, here are five strong contenders for Best Celebrity Death Threesome:
1826: Carl Maria von Weber (composer), John Adams, Thomas Jefferson
1827: Alessandro Volta (guy "volts" are named after), Beethoven, William Blake
1955: Charlie Parker, Albert Einstein, Alexander Fleming (guy who discovered penicillin)
1961: Carl Jung, Ernest Hemingway, Ty Cobb
April 1994: Kurt Cobain, Ralph Ellison, Richard Nixon
Those are all pretty strong, and it's tempting to give it to the Parker/Einstein/Fleming trio, but consider this:
In 1963, Aldous Huxley, C.S. Lewis, and John F. Kennedy all died on the same day.
That's definitely worth bonus points. Also, on February 3, 1959, Buddy Holly, Richie Valens and the Big Bopper all died at the exact same instant, but they lose points because who the hell is the Big Bopper?
Even with that tremendous 1963 effort, however, mankind still has not managed to match that April 23 in 1616, when Shakespeare, Cervantes, and renowned Inca historian (the best Inca historian? We say yes) Garcilaso de la Vega all collapsed and died.
Do we even have celebrities good enough to equal that today? Probably not. Maybe if Gabriel García Márquez, Bob Dylan, and Barack Obama all died in the same minute. Anyway, 1616 takes the gold.
Monday, July 7, 2008
John McCain vs. Bugs Bunny
To continue with a previous post, here is a timeline comparing McCain's life with that of another great American hero:
August 29, 1936
Bugs Bunny does not exist yet.
John McCain is born.
April 30, 1938
Bugs Bunny prototype first appears in cartoon Porky's Hare Hunt.
John McCain is learning to walk.
July 27, 1940
First official appearance of Bugs Bunny in Tex Avery's A Wild Hare.
John McCain is learning to read.
World War II
Bugs Bunny appears in such classics as Bugs Bunny Nips the Nips and is appointed an honorary Master Sergeant by the Marine Corps.
John McCain is older than the U.N.
1950-1954
Bugs appears in Chuck Jones's Rabbit of Seville, widely considered the best Mozart-themed cartoon, and Duck Amuck, possibly the greatest cartoon short ever made.
McCain enrolls at Episcopal High School, a private preparatory school. While there he rats out a fellow student, which would later become an example of courage or something.
1957
Bugs appears in What's Opera, Doc?, an awesome cartoon based on Wagner's Der Ring des Nibelungen.
McCain is a legacy student.
1958
Bugs wins an Oscar for Chuck Jones with Knighty Knight Bugs.
McCain graduates Annapolis 884/889.
1960
Debut of The Bugs Bunny Show, which would run for 40 years.
McCain graduates flight school despite crashing into Corpus Christi.
1967
A bad year for Bugs Bunny and John McCain. Looney Tunes are basically over, and Bugs doesn't appear in anything this year.
McCain is shot down over Hanoi and imprisoned by the Viet Cong.
1973
Bugs still basically inactive.
McCain released
1979-80
Bugs shows up in a few mediocre TV specials.
McCain begins to see Cindy Lou Hensley, a beer heiress, then divorces his wife, a cripple, then marries Cindy.
1982-83
Bugs shows up in a few mediocre movies.
McCain uses his wife's money and her dad's connections to win a Senate seat. Once a senator, he opposes the creation of Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
Late 1980's
Bugs appears in Who Framed Roger Rabbit?, triggering renewed interest in his earlier work. Only a year later, Mel Blanc dies.
McCain is involved with the Savings and Loan scandal through the "Keating Five", which cost taxpayers about $2.6 billion, although not in earmarks. He later admits, "The appearance of it was wrong."
1996
Bugs appears with Michael Jordan in Space Jam, voiced by Billy West.
McCain is now considered a maverick.
2000-Present
Chuck Jones dies. Looney Tunes: Back in Action released to decent reviews.
McCain runs for President, fails, supports the Iraq War, and runs for President again.
Phun Phact: As a popular write-in candidate, Bugs Bunny has had a small showing in almost every major U.S. election of the last half-century. Could it be that Bugs Bunny has received more votes for public office than John McCain? Yes.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Younger than McCain
Someone else is already keeping track of things younger than McCain on an alright blog, so we won't be making that a recurring feature here. But I have been independently researching this topic at work, and some of the answers are astounding. Bebop, for instance, was born and petered out more or less between McCain's third and 24th birthdays. The Chaplin movie Modern Times came out after his birth. He was nine days younger than Wilt Chamberlain, who retired in the seventies and died in 1999. Every Disney animated feature, from Snow White on, is younger than McCain.
With this in mind, McCain's admitted ignorance of computers actually makes sense- any viable candidate would be younger than the computer as we know it today. But McCain is older than the bombe, the first modern computer, used to crack enigma machine messages from the Nazis, and he's about the same age as the Turing machine, the whole theory that led to the creation of computers. Granted, you'd expect someone born in 1895 to have figured out the car by 1966, but maybe not if he always had a chauffeur to do it for him.
In our next post, we'll compare the lives of McCain and another, younger famous American from his era.
With this in mind, McCain's admitted ignorance of computers actually makes sense- any viable candidate would be younger than the computer as we know it today. But McCain is older than the bombe, the first modern computer, used to crack enigma machine messages from the Nazis, and he's about the same age as the Turing machine, the whole theory that led to the creation of computers. Granted, you'd expect someone born in 1895 to have figured out the car by 1966, but maybe not if he always had a chauffeur to do it for him.
In our next post, we'll compare the lives of McCain and another, younger famous American from his era.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
THE 2008 NBA PRESIDENTIAL DRAFT. part three: picks 21-30
This is part three in our series, the 2008 NBA draft, if the entrants were America's presidents, evaluated by their character in office and their athletic peaks.
(Catch up on picks 1-20 here.)
21
New Jersey Nets- Harry Truman
With their second pick in the draft, the Nets keep adding to a core for the future. Truman has poor eyesight and he’s not too athletic, a sixth man at best, but he’s tenacious and he oozes leadership. He’ll be a great voice in the locker room.
22
Orlando Magic- Bill Clinton
This is where the quality of the draft really starts to drop. Clinton is not very fit at all, but he’s tall and smart, and likable. He’ll wave a good towel on the bench in Orlando, which already has a pretty good nucleus.
23
Utah Jazz- Millard Filmore
There’s not much to say about Millard Filmore and there’s not much to say about the Utah Jazz.
24
Seattle SuperSonics- Calvin Coolidge
With their first pick, the Sonics went with the draft’s most stubborn star. Coolidge isn’t expected to garner many minutes, but he’s a nice ideological ally for W, and should help keep the young guy in line and safe from criticism.
25
Houston Rockets- William McKinley
McKinley is short but he’s a likable, rather selfless guy with an excellent memory. He figures as a decent point guard prospect to work with T-Mac and Yao.
26
San Antonio Spurs- William Henry Harrison
Harrison is tough, stern and battle tested. He’ll fit into the culture of the Spurs locker room pretty well.
27
Portland Trailblazers- Thomas Jefferson
Frankly, Jeff can’t play at the NBA level, even on his best day. He’s got bad eyes, a bad wrist and a history of injuries. But on a deep team, all he needs to do is set a good example and stay out of the way, which he should be able to do.
28
Memphis Grizzlies- Martin Van Buren
MVB’s not too athletic at all; he’s a small, slim dude. But just as Seattle picks Coolidge for Bush, this pick is more about the psychology of the team’s star. MVB’s already proven that he can work with the mercurial Jackson.
29
Detroit Pistons- Rutherford B. Hayes
Detroit is approaching a ‘changing of the guard’ moment, with their long-tenured starting five nearing the end and an athletic youth movement in the wings. Hayes is a dull, stable influence who could provide a few minutes off the bench.
30
Boston Celtics- John Adams
This one is kindof a shocker- after all, Adams is small, pudgy and argumentative. But he is a Boston guy, and maybe he reminds the team of good ole’ Red Auerbach. On a championship team with few needs to fill, Adams makes for a serviceable mascot.
(Catch up on picks 1-20 here.)
21
New Jersey Nets- Harry Truman
With their second pick in the draft, the Nets keep adding to a core for the future. Truman has poor eyesight and he’s not too athletic, a sixth man at best, but he’s tenacious and he oozes leadership. He’ll be a great voice in the locker room.
22
Orlando Magic- Bill Clinton
This is where the quality of the draft really starts to drop. Clinton is not very fit at all, but he’s tall and smart, and likable. He’ll wave a good towel on the bench in Orlando, which already has a pretty good nucleus.
23
Utah Jazz- Millard Filmore
There’s not much to say about Millard Filmore and there’s not much to say about the Utah Jazz.
24
Seattle SuperSonics- Calvin Coolidge
With their first pick, the Sonics went with the draft’s most stubborn star. Coolidge isn’t expected to garner many minutes, but he’s a nice ideological ally for W, and should help keep the young guy in line and safe from criticism.
25
Houston Rockets- William McKinley
McKinley is short but he’s a likable, rather selfless guy with an excellent memory. He figures as a decent point guard prospect to work with T-Mac and Yao.
26
San Antonio Spurs- William Henry Harrison
Harrison is tough, stern and battle tested. He’ll fit into the culture of the Spurs locker room pretty well.
27
Portland Trailblazers- Thomas Jefferson
Frankly, Jeff can’t play at the NBA level, even on his best day. He’s got bad eyes, a bad wrist and a history of injuries. But on a deep team, all he needs to do is set a good example and stay out of the way, which he should be able to do.
28
Memphis Grizzlies- Martin Van Buren
MVB’s not too athletic at all; he’s a small, slim dude. But just as Seattle picks Coolidge for Bush, this pick is more about the psychology of the team’s star. MVB’s already proven that he can work with the mercurial Jackson.
29
Detroit Pistons- Rutherford B. Hayes
Detroit is approaching a ‘changing of the guard’ moment, with their long-tenured starting five nearing the end and an athletic youth movement in the wings. Hayes is a dull, stable influence who could provide a few minutes off the bench.
30
Boston Celtics- John Adams
This one is kindof a shocker- after all, Adams is small, pudgy and argumentative. But he is a Boston guy, and maybe he reminds the team of good ole’ Red Auerbach. On a championship team with few needs to fill, Adams makes for a serviceable mascot.
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