So then I quit paying attention to the news for a while, and mentioned the post idea to my roommate. “Oh, Bernie Mac died,” she said. Perfect! But then Isaac Hayes died before I could make any predictions. Now all that’s left is rating this celebrity death threesome. It doesn’t look good. An important but insane and slightly overrated writer is a good start, but then we’ve got a mediocre comedian and a mediocre musician best-known in recent years for voicing a fat cartoon chef before quitting because he was offended as a Scientologist.
Obviously that doesn’t rise to the historical level of a Parker/Einstein/Fleming trio. But is it better than this year’s earlier threesome of Russert/Carlin/Helms? Let’s pit them against each other:
Solzhenitsyn vs. Helms: These guys face each other because they’re the strongest members of their teams. It’s an interesting fight. Helms was eviler than Solz was good, and as a real fucker of a senator he screwed millions of Americans.So the Solz/Mac/Hayes trio is currently in the lead for Celebrity Death Threesome of the year. But wait! I just looked it up and Heath Ledger died about the same time as Sir Edmund Hillary and Bobby Fischer. So that one is the clear leader.
But Solz battled the USSR and kind of won and will still be remembered a century
or two down the road. Ivan Denisovich is a pretty good book. Advantage:
Solzhenitsyn.
Mac vs. Carlin: Because they’re both comedians. Neither was very good. Carlin is more important and revered but Mac seems to have been less of a smug asshole. Advantage: Mac.
Russert vs. Hayes: Because they’re left over. Also, both are oddly respected despite few real accomplishments. In a fight, I see both of them getting winded and asking to forfeit. Advantage: There are no winners in this fight.
6 comments:
I am forced to strongly and pointedly disagree with the majority of your assessments.
- Morgan Freeman is a mediocre, not a good, celebrity. As the most typecast and overused black man in the history of television, he loses major points for being one of the least picky actors ever. He will whore himself out to any movie-maker with money. Being as such, he probably could be paid to narrate an Obama ad.
- Mac vs. Carlin is no contest. Carlin was actually funny, Mac was not. Plus, he wins major points for being über-cynical.
- A Ledger/Hillary/Fischer trio is far from strong. Heath Ledger has only been viewed as "important" in film history for his one good role as the Joker, which conveniently occurred right before he died. This leads mass consumers of pop culture, such as yourself, to overrate his importance.
Bobby Fischer was a chess player, and a good one. He contributed nothing to society other than some very short-lived Cold War glory and Jew-hating vitriol.
Edmund Hillary got way more Everest credit than he deserved. He achieved the Everest summit on the backs of uncredited-by-history sherpa labor. While he is far greater than Fischer or Ledger, he is, like them, overrated.
And now, good sir, you have been educated. You're welcome.
can i have admin rights to this here blog? also- what the fuck? have you heard morgan freeman's commercial narrations? he is a fucking sonic messiah, nevermind his acting.
Where did I say Morgan Freeman had a bad voice or wasn't a good actor?
I said he is a mediocre celebrity because there doesn't seem to be a movie or advertisement, no matter how crappy, that he will not turn down.
I hear the price of those Thinking Brains is going up, you should get one soon while they're still semi-affordable.
Morgan Freeman is the Wal-Mart of celebrities. You see him everywhere, but that doesn't mean he offers anything exceptional beyond his mere availability.
Morgan Freeman may have appeared in such movies as Unleashed, but when he narrates, people listen. He got millions of people to go see a documentary about penguins walking around.
Neither Mac nor Carlin was funny.
Ledger was already viewed as important for his very good performance in Brokeback Mountain. He's also good in I'm Not There.
I wouldn't call Jew-hating vitriol a "contribution" (agree to disagree), but Fischer is arguably the greatest chess player of all time, so to the extent that chess matters to a bunch of people, he's pretty important.
Hillary is probably far less great than Ledger or Fischer, but he's a national hero to New Zealand, which counts for something.
Anyway, these guys only have to be better than Solz/Mac/Hayes, so that's not such a bold assertion.
Admin rights coming soon.
Also, by "good" I meant that he seems like a pretty good guy.
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