don't say nuke-yoo-lar

George Bush is such a stinker. Too bad his rustic, borderline-retarded country charm hasn't ingratiated him enough with figure-head Russian president Medvedev to trick him into letting us point missiles at his face, which may or may not actually be Putin's face. Bush even called him a "smart guy", which always gotten him into peoples' pants before.

Maybe Medvedev is a smart guy, though. The U.S. tells him we wanna put up a missile shield in Poland and radar in the Czech Republic to defend against missiles from North Korea and Iran, to which the Rooskees slyly respond, "Bullshit." Sure enough, it turns out 25% of Iranian fire-power is make-believe, and the rest doesn't have enough range to threaten Europe, so that excuse is getting harder and harder to say with a straight face at G8 meetings.

The context might be funny if it didn't seem symptomatic of an impending nuclear apocalypse. Here we have Condi sauntering through the former East Bloc like a door-to-door salesman, getting her foot in the door but unable to close the deal, mostly because Poland would like a lot of weapons in addition to the shield missiles, since they want to protect themselves against Russia after such an obvious act of aggression. The Czechs were more eager to get the radar. Well, the Czech government was. The actual citizens are more, like, overwhelmingly opposed to the idea of arrantly pissing off the Russians.

Russia is, of course, promising military-technical response to this proposal, which might end up with a shameful embargo between the U.S. and the North Pole, where Russian defenses could be stationed in response. Did you catch my reference? I was subtley making a comparison to the U.S.'s placement of missiles in Turkey which led to the Cuban Missile Crisis. At least it was subtle until I explicitly stated the analogy. I guess it's a silly analogy, though, since that whole thing was about a communist scare whereas this initiative is about . . . uh . . . terror 9/11 godbless supporttroops dubba-emm-dees

John McCain supports the missile defense plan, but that should be obvious considering his well-known desire to have a missile stationed in every square foot of the world. When asked why he thought they were still necessary after the laughable Iranian missile tests, he responded, "Cuz it's newfangled, like that internets, you CUNT."

Obama doesn't have much to offer on this one. He did say that he was opposed to haphazardly wasting billions on random missile placement, and that he only supports missile defense that will actually work. This sort of cheap, obvious commentary has engendered doubt among hard-hitting, no-bullshit, guys-I'm-so-sincurrrre conservatives, who think that anyone can say that they only like things that actually work. I would agree with them on this one, except that I don't think the GOP cares at all if they actually work. I mean, have you seen them thangs when they blowed up? Thass what I'm talking 'bout.