Friendly Fire: United for McCain for Obama

Editor's Note: This is the first post in what we hope will become a beloved and, more importantly, venerated Kool Kat Sez tradition. The ground rules are simple: One editor posts an opinion on a topic, and all of the other editors are encouraged to respond with their own opinions in separate posts (Note: Editor=Everyone who writes for this blog). When no one feels like arguing anymore, we'll have a concluding post.

The question of the week is: When should McCain endorse Obama?

Background:
The United for McCain for Obama movement started back in June '08 with a Facebook group that quickly shattered recruitment expectations as students all over America joined the movement. Their message was simple: McCain must stand up for what is right: his opponent. As McCain himself has admitted, he supports "Reform. Prosperity. Peace." By now even he knows that he is ill-suited in terms of temperament, personal belief and intellect to accomplish any of those goals. But now he has a once-in-a-lifetime chance to show true leadership by following the candidate who has actually pledged to bring America any of those three things.

Actual Argument:
At this point, the only question facing McCain is, "When?" Some say as soon as possible, to unite this country and maybe heal it a little. Others say during the convention. Well as far as I am concerned, there is only one choice here: McCain should endorse Obama in October.

The October Surprise is a cherished tradition in U.S. politics. For instance, in 1972 Republican Dick Nixon announced in October that he would end the Vietnam War. The he surprised several guards at the Watergate hotel by committing various crimes that helped him clinch the win. In 1980, during October, Republican Dick Ronald Regan made a deal with Iranians to hang onto their surprised hostages until after he was elected. In 2004 Osama bin Laden helped Republican Dick Cheney become Vice President again when he released a surprising video on October 29.

As heir to this legacy, McCain should take advantage of the October Surprise to help Republicans win again, except this time what they will win is the opportunity to avoid living in a failed state. Picture this: It's October 18th or something. America is divided between the majority, who support Obama, and the minority, angry mountain people selling individual cans of beans and Manwich back and forth to each other, pausing only to hate black people. Analysts warn that Obama's lead is actually a deficit for some reason. Suddenly, an American Hero rises from the mist. It is John McCain, and he says,

I know that, in addition to my demeanor and mannerisms, my policies have distressed many American families. Well, I hope to change the change that you believe in:"

At that point Obama walks out on stage. Billions of Americans instantly switch their votes to Obama, who, after all, now has the endorsement of the best military hero in America. Meanwhile, the Republicans will have no time to elect another candidate, so too many of them will run. I project these results for the popular vote:

Obama: 89%
McCain: 1% (write-ins)
Barr: 2%
Nader: Did not get on ballot
Romney: 1%
Huckabee: 2%
Giuliani: .5%
Paul: .25%
Keyes: .2%
Fred Thompson: .05%
Other: 3%

McCain has been through Hell for America. This is easy compared to that. And it will help the country a lot more. Vote McCain voting Obama in October.