The South Knows Terrorism

We all know that the south will vote for McCain, and that, among other things, fear of terrorism will convince them to do this. But why is the South so worried about terrorism? It's not like it has a long and fascinating history of terrorism, right? Wrong! Here it is:

1859
John Brown, a Northerner, kills a bunch of people at Harper's Ferry, Virginia. In later years, that state would go on to lose the Civil War.
1865-1874
About 500,000 Southerners join the KKK. They kill thousands (EXAMPLE!: 2,000 killed or wounded in Louisiana alone in a few weeks leading up to the 1868 election), burn a lot of things down, and are called a terrorist organization by a federal jury in 1869.
1915-1944
The KKK makes a comeback thanks to summer blockbuster Birth of a Nation. Membership peaks at 6,000,000 in 1924. They do some of the worst stuff in American history, among other things.
1950s and 60s
This time the KKK killed civil rights workers and blew up churches.
1995
Timothy McVeigh, born in the North but raised mostly in Florida and a resident of such towns as Waco, TX, blows up a building in Oklahoma City.
2000
The South meets its first non-white terrorists when some Floridians train the 9/11 hijackers to fly planes. They leave the South to use their training in a city that has an economy.

Obviously this rich historical tapestry goes a long way toward explaining Southern voting patterns. For instance, many here in New York ask, "Why are people in Flomaton, AL so afraid of terrorists, even though there is nothing in their town worth the cost of a bomb, which can be made from fertilizer?" Well, as Southerners, Flomatonians know that anyone can be a terrorist, even their own great grandparents, who probably were terrorists, in the KKK. Also, Islamofascists probably view places such as Flomaton as a source of great knowledge, what with its half-assed flight schools and long history of killing people who looked suspiscious.
So if the South feels that McCain is better equipped to handle terrorism, what with his 40-year-old military expertise in personal survival, we should probably listen. After all, these guys have practically run terrorism in this country since 1865.