Pandas: Yes or no?

Years ago when evolution was distributing adaptations, pandas showed up late because they were asleep under a bridge. Most animals got a grab bag of traits, e.g. gorillas came away with Super Strength, Chest Hitting, and Sign Language. By the time the pandas got there, however, all that was left was Insane Cuteness, so that’s what they took. They then commenced to sit in place and rest their paws on their bellies.

After a way better run than anyone could have expected, pandas finally started winding down their little survival operation in the twentieth century. And that’s when the humans stepped in. For years, we have tried to keep pandas from going extinct, and they have done virtually nothing to help. Instead, they just sit there eating sticks, the worst diet you could possibly evolve. Somehow even this is very cute, and humans are even more inspired to try and save the pandas. But are panda salvation efforts really worth it? No.
Consider panda reproduction, which is a cavalcade of laughable failure. In the wild, pandas have about one kid every two years, actually not too bad considering she-pandas are only able to reproduce for, at best, three days out of the year. Assuming the he-pandas can get up the energy to walk over to them that year, and the mating works, which is no guarantee, the she-panda will have one to two cubs. If there are two, she will leave one to die, which I hope has never been captured on film, because it would be weapons-grade sad.
The cubs come out furless, blind, and totally helpless, so they need the mom panda’s total attention. She compromises by leaving them totally alone in the cave for three to four hours a day while she eats sticks. The dad panda helps out by leaving never to return. Panda tots don’t even learn to crawl for the next 75-90 days, meaning they spend about 300 hours just lying there alone on a rock.
Of course, not every panda has that kind of success rate. Conditions in the wild are optimal for panda mating, in that the pandas sometimes try to mate. In captivity they lose all interest. Zoo guys have tried giving he-pandas Viagra, or showing them panda pornography, but it doesn’t work. Also, it’s hard for a zoo to have very many pandas, because they’re the most expensive zoo animal by a factor of five.
Even when a panda survives, it will probably die. They live on a low nutrition food that periodically dies out, and they have to have two types of it around or they’ll starve. They are prone to overeating, which can kill them, and baby pandas have to be rolled around on the ground or their intestines will flatten, distort and fail. Male pandas sometimes kill each other. And wild pandas only live in a tiny sliver of territory located entirely within a country run by insane communists.
Clearly, pandas now exist solely to taunt death. The correct course of action is clear: take as many high-resolution photos and videos of pandas as we can, and then stop paying attention to them. Probably they will be gone within the hour and will become popular mythical creatures, like unicorns, or homunculus man. The world has more important things to do than roll fat bears around to keep their stick-filled guts from pancaking. Pandas aren’t trying, and neither should we. And now, here is a video of a panda sneezing:

Note: This can be a Friendly Fire if anyone wants, but I didn't albel it that way because I plan to put up another one soon.